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gmc_blossom

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gmc_blossom
  • Town/Country : Michigan, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2107
  • Number of comments : 365
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About gmc_blossom : Jesse: It's all about accepting who you really are. I accept who I am.

Walt: And who are you?

Jesse: I'm the bad guy.

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gmc_blossom's favorite FMLs

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

#21043493
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40590) - you deserved it (3313)

On 01/28/2014 at 10:09pm - work - by smileydays - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40441) - you deserved it (4687)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37689) - you deserved it (4593)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42291) - you deserved it (9169)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23433) - you deserved it (46234)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

#21039586
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39645) - you deserved it (3438)

On 01/25/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

#21038727
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40960) - you deserved it (3787)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42627) - you deserved it (8491)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60806) - you deserved it (13258)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43655) - you deserved it (4550)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47787) - you deserved it (3183) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23946) - you deserved it (35008)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28706) - you deserved it (8472)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35593) - you deserved it (2321)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

#20409320
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33515) - you deserved it (8679)

On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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