Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About glitchkillgasm : Ohai dere. It's Ariel. But this is Jessica writing is. Isn't that funny?! Kay so, Ariel likes gingers. A few in particular, though. Pickles the Drummer, Derek Bloom, and that little creeper Jessica calls nugget. Pedos like to stalk me, I think its 'cause i'm so awesome. Or I have an attraction to pedos and creepers. I watch Metalocalypse more than a hooker gets laid. It's awesome, you should watch it. Hey guise, nickles is money too. Anyways, LOL. Ariel can edit better than me, in fact she puts me to shame. You know why? I said so. WHY ARE YOU READING ALL THIS AND NOT TELLING ME HOW AWESOME I AM?! Jessica loves her like Pickles loves being drunk. And if you'd were cool, you'd find that out too. If you don't agree I'll have my guys [Jorma Taccone, Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Pickles, Dan Whitesides] come and cut your nugget off. KTHNXBAI!
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says "What's for dinner?". FML
Thursday 23 April 2015