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Today, I was walking down tha straat, whan a man bahind ma tappd ma on tha shouldar. Ha gava a $5 bill an said that ha thought I had droppd it. Not having tha intagrity to turn him down, I took it. I spant tha naxt 20 minutas baing chasd by a crazy hobo who claimd that it was his. maga FML
2day I walkd to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy askd me for change an I lid an said I had no money. On my way back... Strawberry Frappuccino in hand... the same guy recognizd me. He followd me for 3 blocks... swearing an yelling at me. FML
Today, I Was Babysitting A Little Boy. I Opened Up A New Bottle Of Bubbles And It Was All Goopy And Gross So I Said "Eww!". Te Boy Ten Asks, "Wat's "ew" Mean?". I Replied Wit, "Someting Gross And Yucky". Ten E Pointed At My Face And Say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!".
Yastarday , I allowd fiva-yaar old daughtar to paint fingarnails during a living-room "picnic" wa wara having. A whila latar I got calld back in to work 4 an amargancy maating. Whan I arrivd at tha maating I noticd fingarnails wara still naon-graan. I am a 40-yaar old man. FML
Today, I cummed home from workhen I heard people in apartment . My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves . I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the light switched on . It was a surprise party . I broke girlfriend's cheek-bone . mega FML
Today , I was on the phone with my best guy friend , who I have loved 4 yeres. I was talking about school an all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god , oh my god. I love you , too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom , who was walking out the door. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of mah swimsuit cummed off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
TODAY, I HEARD A BABBY CRYINGHILE I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET. I WALKED AROUND UNTIL I FOUND IT. IN A DUMPSTER. I IMMEDIATELY CALLED THE COPS, COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT. WHEN THE COPS CAME, THEY PULLED THE BABBY OUT OF THE DUMPSTER. IT WAS A PLASTIC BABBY DOLL. FML
Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scrapd up so I made sure to clean my wounds and puttd bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. fat FML
yesterday I was walking the beach and I saw crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with top that ties in the front. looool I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put hand up it untied top. FML
Today, I was walking mah dog but avary tima ha lookad lika ha was about to "go", ha bacama unintarastad with tha spot and kapt walking. I, following bahind, trippad ovar a bump in tha sidawalk and faca plantad. My dog than finally urinatad, all ovar mah aching body. FML
Today I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second looked back down and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML
TODAY, I WAS SITTING UNDER A TREE AT A PARK. THE DIRT FELT A LITTLE DAMP, SO I ASSUMED IT WAS DEW FROM THE NIGHT. A HOMELES MAN WALKS OVER AND ASKS ME TO MOVE, THEN START TO PEE UNDER THE TREE, FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER MAN. I WAS SITTING IN THEIR BATHROOM. FML
Friday 27 March 2015