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ghostofsmoke's FML badges
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I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
ghostofsmoke's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML
by Dracoboxer357 / 01/05/2013 at 11:00am / Canada / Health
by Teddy / 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML
by AGeeksWife / 09/12/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML
by NotJessePinkmanFFS / 09/10/2012 at 2:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/09/2012 at 12:51am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML
by jennag5 / 03/24/2012 at 2:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by starboy / 03/10/2012 at 1:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
by so bored -__- / 02/24/2012 at 11:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by ShylaMarie / 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm / Canada / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 12:31am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…