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Today, during gym class, my teacher insisted that everyone should to relieve some stress by throwing a basketball at the wall. I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach. I began to vomit uncontrollably. Even my teacher laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25677) - you totally deserved it (5937)
On 09/17/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by sara (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24946) - you totally deserved it (2312)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19443) - you totally deserved it (3733)
On 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
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On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
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On 09/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by hatecolin (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML
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On 09/08/2009 at 5:07am - work - by h0308 (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)
Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50627) - you totally deserved it (3534)
On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
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On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" . I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML
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On 09/01/2009 at 2:30am - health - by pussyOUT (man) - United States
Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you totally deserved it (6577)
On 08/28/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by pistonchamp159 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML
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On 08/27/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by buzzzzkill (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
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On 08/25/2009 at 12:04pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
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On 08/25/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
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On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
