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gettingout

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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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gettingout's favorite FMLs

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

#20743211
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53496) - you deserved it (7868)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm - kids - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55079) - you deserved it (64189)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (8826)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

#19714828
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11877) - you deserved it (41282)

On 06/01/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Austria (Wien)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25740) - you deserved it (1641)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

#19699093
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18634) - you deserved it (1669)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:58pm - misc - by joanne (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

#19698892
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18018) - you deserved it (3033)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

#19624704
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22661) - you deserved it (2696)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

#19624704
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22661) - you deserved it (2696)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

#19601611
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (3620)

On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

#19601147
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23885) - you deserved it (9934)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by reddd - United States

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21831) - you deserved it (5253)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29207) - you deserved it (4675)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41967) - you deserved it (3831)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

#14016985
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25278) - you deserved it (2858)

On 11/28/2010 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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