About geass_user : meh.
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geass_user's favorite FMLs
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by AuraOfJustice / 03/12/2011 at 9:43am / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML
by storyofmylife / 02/23/2011 at 4:52pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by straightasaneedle / 02/02/2011 at 12:11pm / Germany (Hessen) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML
by crazy_mom / 11/01/2010 at 11:10am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML
by cduttl1230 / 06/25/2010 at 8:30pm / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML
by DFR / 06/09/2010 at 9:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML
by xxlexi_lovexx / 03/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by mylifeisahell / 02/18/2010 at 10:01am / Norway (Vestfold) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML
by pogodrake / 01/24/2010 at 12:01am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML
by Dreadge / 01/15/2010 at 2:37pm / Israel (Hefa) / Miscellaneous
by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love
- Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn… Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I… Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke"…