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gavinbanks's favorite FMLs
Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML
by ElizaZee / 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML
by gavinbanks / 07/21/2013 at 6:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML
by Lucy / 07/21/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by samgonzalessb / 12/14/2009 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML
by vomitingnow / 07/22/2009 at 12:12am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML
by fcnk / 06/17/2009 at 10:40pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
by eeh / 05/07/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
by SadDad / 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
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- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…