garikay

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Offline (the 09/10/2016 at 3:48pm)

garikay

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  • Number of visits : 3141
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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garikay's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

by an idiot / 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm / Australia / Money

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

by Chuffberry / 02/16/2013 at 3:47am / United States (Colorado) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

by howannoying / 02/16/2013 at 1:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

by Nico / 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm / Work

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

by Acolyte of the Bacon God / 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm / Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah) / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

by Target / 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

by GarageSallin / 02/07/2013 at 10:24am / Miscellaneous