About gahj : HI, my name is Ali and i'm different from other people around me. I'm very smart and looking forward to becoming a surgeon or cardiologist since i love the human body. If you have a question message me and I will try to answer. BTW i hate grammar nazis.
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Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML
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Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
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On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
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On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
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On 08/12/2011 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Pissedoff777 - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML
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On 07/29/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by FML (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
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On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML
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On 06/03/2011 at 12:21am - misc - by AndieApocalypse - United States
Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
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On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML
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On 03/26/2011 at 4:54pm - work - by burntloyalty - United States
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
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On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)
Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML
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On 02/25/2011 at 3:27am - money - by naughtytwinsisters (woman) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
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On 01/20/2011 at 4:39am - intimacy - by saddened97 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML
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On 01/13/2011 at 12:48am - money - by skyhigh - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML
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On 01/08/2011 at 12:22am - misc - by sad (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML
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On 11/16/2010 at 10:43pm - work - by T_Willl -
Friday 24 May 2013
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