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gabrielbaby's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML
by sydsophnova / 07/01/2009 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML
by angry / 06/28/2009 at 5:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by poormom / 06/27/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2009 at 10:37am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML
by vishurricanes / 06/09/2009 at 11:34pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
by Anonymous / 06/09/2009 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML
by Anonymous / 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML
by sierraisfucked / 06/02/2009 at 3:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
by sonofmilf / 05/17/2009 at 1:46am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm / Italy (Toscana) / Health
- Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying… Today, My Girlfriend actually ended our relationship by saying "Goodbye Buubuu"
A pet name only my… Today, after over six months of planning, and less than 2 months to go, my fiance tells me that he…