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gabigailovesyou's favorite FMLs
by veggieluver / 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML
by George / 01/15/2013 at 3:53pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
by Bella / 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
by I think its dead / 01/15/2013 at 2:33am / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML
by helpme / 01/15/2013 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
by Brooke / 01/15/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML
by IvyLeague? / 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML
by nkotz / 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by What a happy day / 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML
by badenoughflowers / 01/14/2013 at 10:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with… Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people.… Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers…