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About fwooshy88 : Dakota Metz.
Sophisticated 12 year old being.
Sunrise:June 6,1996.
Sunset:Undetermined.
Im curently having my
futerisic fetus travel back
in time to fuck your mother
so that you will be my grandchild.
I love music,strangely
my two favorite genres
i have to say are screamo and indie.
I have a strange obestion with anything
that is shiny,tastes like cupcakes and reminds
me of rainbows or unicorns.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40701) - you deserved it (114325)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (167980) - you deserved it (51067)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML
I agree, your life sucks (92327) - you deserved it (3904)
On 03/30/2009 at 9:43pm - intimacy - by Julie - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79101) - you deserved it (10892)
On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24614) - you deserved it (58654)
On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML
I agree, your life sucks (126022) - you deserved it (18027)
On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States
Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66583) - you deserved it (10733)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Tiak (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54965) - you deserved it (3023)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15884) - you deserved it (45251)
On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47372) - you deserved it (8400)
On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10922) - you deserved it (54514)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:40pm - work - by hated (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (363070) - you deserved it (401423)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35431) - you deserved it (9068)
On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)
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