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fuzzycorn88's favorite FMLs
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous
by Bliggins / 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by smashed / 09/24/2012 at 10:33am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by blakeintheoffice / 08/08/2012 at 9:53am / United States / Work
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
by Rachel / 07/20/2012 at 1:13am / United States / Money
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by BooBabe / 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML
by huh / 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Intimacy
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today, my bike brakes failed as I was going downhill. I ended up running a light and hit a car at… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling…