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funnyman624

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funnyman624

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funnyman624's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

#19644212
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25241) - you deserved it (1935)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

#18914939
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23161) - you deserved it (2707)

On 01/26/2012 at 9:49am - love - by The Towel Molester (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

#18422045
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (3498)

On 12/03/2011 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by sugarbeet - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

#18417408
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33459) - you deserved it (5426)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:04am - intimacy - by trembelwick - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

#18393059
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28019) - you deserved it (3426)

On 11/30/2011 at 9:57am - love - by preggers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

#18030878
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31854) - you deserved it (6036)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Meath)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51954) - you deserved it (16578)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

#17987492
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42551) - you deserved it (3505)

On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

#17916537
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13017) - you deserved it (25390)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:59pm - health - by pixiebubz - Australia

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

#17911621
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25339) - you deserved it (19968)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, my husband compared me to his parent's dog. Why? Because when I sleep I fart and scare myself awake... Just like his parents dog. FML

#17671695
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25888) - you deserved it (9398)

On 09/05/2011 at 3:19pm - animals - by anonomys (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

#17670643
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36034) - you deserved it (5327)

On 09/05/2011 at 1:05pm - love - by jellyybean - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

#17663371
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30455) - you deserved it (4066)

On 09/04/2011 at 6:10pm - misc - by ironic driver - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

#17534409
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (37725)

On 08/21/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Emily - United States (New York)

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31503) - you deserved it (4769)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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