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funnyman624

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funnyman624

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funnyman624's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (20888)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be all right, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

#13339681
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35967) - you deserved it (5313)

On 10/06/2010 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML

#13333152
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35330) - you deserved it (5035)

On 10/05/2010 at 7:36pm - work - by hospital - United States (New York)

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

#13318955
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68802) - you deserved it (7744)

On 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

#13261613
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44767) - you deserved it (4839)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

#13235832
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38454) - you deserved it (3009)

On 09/28/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Jake - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

#13227031
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9413) - you deserved it (30670)

On 09/27/2010 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

#13223066
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13392) - you deserved it (35106)

On 09/27/2010 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Liz - United States (Florida)

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

#13213311
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (3537)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by amorousintx - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

#13198134
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32997) - you deserved it (3827)

On 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm - misc - by huj - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

#13127028
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33533) - you deserved it (3521)

On 09/20/2010 at 10:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

#13124550
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32424) - you deserved it (2984)

On 09/20/2010 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Thomas - United States (Oregon)

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

#13103796
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41855) - you deserved it (2680)

On 09/18/2010 at 8:36pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Tirol)



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