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funnyguy2697's favorite FMLs
Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML
by pon-3 / 06/22/2012 at 5:13pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
by theunborn / 06/19/2012 at 12:42pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Intimacy
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by latino14 / 06/15/2012 at 7:27am / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML
by k / 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Transportation
Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 2:47pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Work
by nanall / 06/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States / Kids
by ironyisabitch / 06/02/2012 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 3:02am / United States / Kids
by Discouraged / 05/31/2012 at 8:43am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by Aldoch / 05/30/2012 at 6:41pm / Kids
Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML
by namenlos / 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by girly girly / 05/26/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ilovemymomma / 05/26/2012 at 3:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy