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funnyguy2697's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML
by Skidmark Sally / 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids
Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML
by RIP / 10/07/2012 at 2:34pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Kids
by didntknowyoucouldbreakit / 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML
by raz / 10/01/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML
by burn in hell / 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
by scarred for life / 09/21/2012 at 6:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding.… Today, at the doctor's, I dropped my pants and the attractive nurse assured me it was the biggest… Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought…