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funnyguy2697's favorite FMLs
Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML
by Adan / 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML
by Mimi / 11/29/2012 at 12:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
by FUSheldon / 11/28/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by RyanJarmanForPresident / 11/23/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
by notalovestory / 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML
by afraidofcans / 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML
by Bratty son / 10/23/2012 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 4:42am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by satanworshipper / 10/18/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…