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funnyguy2697's favorite FMLs
by caaarl / 04/19/2012 at 3:46pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML
by DJ Clitter / 04/16/2012 at 3:35pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
by ilovechickens / 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Animals
Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML
by neverakid / 04/13/2012 at 9:01pm / United States / Kids
by marymark / 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML
by Ameel / 04/12/2012 at 2:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by yelyah / 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by neverthesame / 03/28/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by LiveGuard / 03/28/2012 at 1:30am / United States / Work
by ouchouchouch / 03/28/2012 at 12:16am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
by blueglover / 03/27/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…