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funnybacteria7

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funnybacteria7

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 56
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Visits<b>Mathgeekboo</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 5:09pm

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funnybacteria7's favorite FMLs

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

#20768067
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41759) - you deserved it (3718)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by yum - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43900) - you deserved it (4520)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43214) - you deserved it (8651)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I faced my severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from my home. After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of. Relieved, I sat down and glanced across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall. FML

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

#20733893
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40934) - you deserved it (19563)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm - animals - by CatLover<3 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53850) - you deserved it (4008)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

#20138973
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25792) - you deserved it (2311)

On 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm - animals - by With_Love929 - United States (New York)

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

#19514689
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24873) - you deserved it (3912)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18520) - you deserved it (31404)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (19769) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

#7936537
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35775) - you deserved it (1569)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by Kelso (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95414) - you deserved it (4599)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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