About friedpwnadge : Now offering upgrades from basic bitch to premium bitch for three small payments of $19.95. And no I don't wear Gucci hoe.
friedpwnadge's FML badges
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
friedpwnadge's favorite FMLs
Today, I did a piano audition for a musical. Afterwards, the judge asked if I have experience with percussion, and then told me she was considering me for a percussion part. I guess my piano audition really was THAT bad. FML
by pianoblues / 10/17/2016 at 4:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Whybother / 09/20/2016 at 4:13am / United States (Hawaii) / Work
Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML
by Anonameow / 03/15/2016 at 2:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, while working as a hostess, one of my tattoos on my leg was showing. It's not uncommon for guests to comment on tattoos as we're high end and I'm one of two staff members with visible tattoos. What is uncommon is an elderly lady hiking up my skirt for a better view. I flashed everyone. FML
by Devlynfly / 02/24/2016 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML
by youknowyoureoptimisticwhen / 11/08/2015 at 11:45am / Canada (Quebec) / Money
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2015 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while out shopping with friends, I was apphrehended by two bounty hunters because they recognized my purple-dyed hair. Too bad my name isn't Natalie, who apparently shares the same hair color. They didn't believe me, even after I showed my ID. FML
by StargazeKitsune / 05/06/2015 at 8:48pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2015 at 6:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health
Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML
by ireallylikecats / 04/22/2015 at 9:31am / United States / Kids
Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML
by NotDrunk / 04/03/2015 at 8:42pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/30/2015 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…