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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30742) - you deserved it (75092)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38952) - you deserved it (5830)
On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64622) - you deserved it (3419)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84037) - you deserved it (4028)
On 04/18/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Ian (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and took random turns. I got lost, was 30 minutes late to work, and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7929) - you deserved it (66426)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by TheBRADLeyB (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12520) - you deserved it (57854)
On 04/13/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by snathans (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59366) - you deserved it (15521)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148347) - you deserved it (46669)
On 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
I agree, your life sucks (176340) - you deserved it (19134)
On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31123) - you deserved it (100321)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64277) - you deserved it (158481)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a feild sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test infront of all the students and parents. I blew. 06%. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18542) - you deserved it (73716)
On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15606) - you deserved it (68646)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53305) - you deserved it (418081)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (205196) - you deserved it (44822)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 20 May 2013
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