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fricknugget's favorite FMLs
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML
by happybirthday / 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML
by gotmon3y / 04/07/2009 at 12:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
by nomorebeard / 03/25/2009 at 10:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML
by Sick / 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML
by lopez / 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm / Work
- Today, I found out my girlfriend has a beastiality fetish...After letting her dogsit for a week. FML Today, I finally went on a date with this handsome guy I've been interested in for months. The date… Today, I decided to go to my schools study center at noon to get some last minute studying in for…
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…