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fricknugget's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
by anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:11am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Florida) / Geek
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 5:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML
by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 5:04am / Australia / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 1:15am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 7:45am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
by tammy999 / 01/31/2010 at 1:44am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
by AussieGirl / 11/21/2009 at 6:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
by TwinDad / 05/14/2009 at 11:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…