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Today, it's mah birthday!! I got a phone call from mah high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me an dohatever he wants to me!! He does this every year!! I turn 34 today!! FML
TODAY , I ONCE AGAIN TOLD MAH SON HE NEEDED A JOB AND A GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I SIMPLY COULD NOT KEEP HIM IN MAH HOUSE ANYMORE. HE YELLED , "NO , I CAN DOHATEVER I WANT!" THEN WENT BACK TO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. HE'S 38. FML
Taday I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase yur milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at mah office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML
Today , my grlfriend and I decidd to sneak into the shower at her househile her parents went out to eat and a movie . Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door , it was her mom . We had left all of our clothes downstars . Safe to say I won't be allowd there any more . FML
Today , I witnessd a homeles man fall off of his bike and land face frst onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather , I gave him the coat off of back. He got up lyk nothing happend and sprintd away with it. Oh yeah , wallet was in the inside pocket. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage 4 his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML
Today, mah 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
Taday mah mother was driving me and mah friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control and then mah mother chimes in "Yeah I usd to use the sponge but the spermicide would always burn yur dad's penis." FML
Friday 27 March 2015