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Offline (the 01/16/2015 at 10:28pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8889
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fooltemptress : Jack of all trades; master of none, with a penchant for writing and all things snark.

I like to fuck! No, seriously, if you visit my profile, I'll visit yours and give you a fuck. Does that make me a whore?

Insert whatever other witty banter you'd like to see here.

fooltemptress's page activity

Visits<b>hasanjk</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 7:53am<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 2:14am<b>mwali02</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 7:34pm<b>hardesty</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 10:34pm<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 3:49pm<b>ninaor</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 7:17am<b>MattBenid</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 4:22pm<b>KeatonHanson</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 8:45pm<b>EMOHATE</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 11:54am<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 7:50am<b>NateC27</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 11:51am<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 3:57pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 3:42pm<b>Darkness_Hate</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 2:05pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:13pm<b>nick_brock5</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 8:23pm<b>thomasrasmussen7</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 4:49pm

Liked!<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 8:14am<b>morondon000</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 6:13pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 01/09/2015 at 12:27am<b>anonymous1604</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 2:31am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:41pm<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 4:36am<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 6:23pm<b>EMOHATE</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 3:45am<b>bigjake</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 5:55am<b>hardesty</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:43am<b>907frostygirl</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 7:58pm<b>S232Flash</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 9:53pm<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 6:25pm<b>watermelon15</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:00am<b>tiptoe55</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 4:26pm<b>GodPart2</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 1:52am<b>annapanda143</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 8:21am<b>moksha</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 1:44pm

fooltemptress's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of fooltemptress's badges

fooltemptress's favorite FMLs

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30269) - you deserved it (2186)

On 01/06/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by rimenrezon (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML


I agree, your life sucks (30546) - you deserved it (2787)

On 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Dear Lord Save Me (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML


I agree, your life sucks (31134) - you deserved it (2882)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29776) - you deserved it (3099)

On 12/26/2014 at 6:06pm - love - by GOAWAY - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33081) - you deserved it (3463)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28004) - you deserved it (5533)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by wowdadreally (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19332) - you deserved it (22973)

On 12/22/2014 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31902) - you deserved it (5620)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31577) - you deserved it (2738)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27979) - you deserved it (3336)

On 12/19/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29952) - you deserved it (5721)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31729) - you deserved it (2845)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29835) - you deserved it (2125)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30380) - you deserved it (3134)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

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