Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

fooltemptress

Search for a member

fooltemptress

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3940
  • Number of comments : 108
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 29 posted

About fooltemptress : Jack of all trades; master of none, with a penchant for writing and all things snark. I also do costume design, acting, and some occasional directing. I love animals and foster dogs when I can. I have Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy, a disease similar to Multiple Sclerosis, and Fibromyalgia. I'm generally friendly so feel free to message me if you ever want to chat :)

fooltemptress's page activity

Visits<b>justkeez</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 1:31pm<b>VHNox</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>xNotCreative</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 5:27am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:39am<b>theoneknownasjp</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:21am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:16am<b>nick_brock5</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 6:58pm<b>Earrings100</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 10:33am<b>6dandaman5</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 6:33pm<b>Crash7777</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 12:21am<b>whosittoyou</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 6:18am<b>woainishamu</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 2:38am<b>pumboc</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 6:36am<b>Ricko_Ram</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 11:29pm<b>PacosTacos21</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 2:29am<b>vb68</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 11:32pm<b>melons</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 10:18pm<b>_Stormy_</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 5:33pm

fooltemptress's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

See all of fooltemptress's badges

fooltemptress's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12997) - you deserved it (4366)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28846) - you deserved it (4724)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2597) - you deserved it (34496)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

#21212818
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33585) - you deserved it (4493)

On 07/18/2014 at 11:49am - work - by tuck87 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47876) - you deserved it (413)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

#21208679
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33954) - you deserved it (4342)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:31am - misc - by photoman (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40981) - you deserved it (6817)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39076) - you deserved it (5904)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39794) - you deserved it (3286)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

#21205230
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29980) - you deserved it (11584)

On 07/10/2014 at 5:28pm - misc - by cassieono - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

#21204913
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44879) - you deserved it (7651)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

#21203678
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39002) - you deserved it (3452)

On 07/09/2014 at 3:26am - health - by Sun_Kissed18 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: