Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

fooltemptress

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

fooltemptress

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4353
  • Number of comments : 109
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 29 posted

About fooltemptress : Jack of all trades; master of none, with a penchant for writing and all things snark. I also do costume design, acting, and some occasional directing. I love animals and foster dogs when I can. I have Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy, a disease similar to Multiple Sclerosis, and Fibromyalgia. I'm generally friendly so feel free to message me if you ever want to chat :)

fooltemptress's page activity

Visits<b>Journiexo</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 3:12pm<b>wecca875</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:54pm<b>justkeez</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 1:31pm<b>VHNox</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>xNotCreative</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 5:27am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:39am<b>theoneknownasjp</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:21am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:16am<b>nick_brock5</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 6:58pm<b>Earrings100</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 10:33am<b>6dandaman5</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 6:33pm<b>Crash7777</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 12:21am<b>whosittoyou</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 6:18am<b>woainishamu</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 2:38am<b>pumboc</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 6:36am<b>Ricko_Ram</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 11:29pm<b>PacosTacos21</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 2:29am<b>vb68</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 11:32pm

fooltemptress's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

See all of fooltemptress's badges

fooltemptress's favorite FMLs

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29927) - you deserved it (3406)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14028) - you deserved it (30541)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27805) - you deserved it (2395)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31636) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25157) - you deserved it (13911)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (6776)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36044) - you deserved it (2955)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18274) - you deserved it (42212)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

#21242471
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33837) - you deserved it (3182)

On 08/21/2014 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19791) - you deserved it (37701)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40204) - you deserved it (5649)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23758) - you deserved it (43552)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34493) - you deserved it (5574)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

#21238842
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39045) - you deserved it (4855)

On 08/16/2014 at 8:10am - misc - by Jenn (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: