fooltemptress

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fooltemptress

28Fucked!

fooltemptressfooltemptress
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16584
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 31 posted

About fooltemptress : Jack of all trades; master of none, with a penchant for writing and all things snark.

I like to fuck! No, seriously, if you visit my profile, I'll visit yours and give you a fuck. Does that make me a whore?

Insert whatever other witty banter you'd like to see here.

fooltemptress's page activity

Visits<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 3:46am<b>armedenglish96</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 4:27am<b>KeatonHanson</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:18pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 1:53pm<b>USMC10Rex12451</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:35am<b>Oliveisthenewora</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 10:19pm<b>leslieshrader</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 8:54pm<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 8:11am<b>CowTippingDwarfs</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 4:07am<b>lunar999</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 3:38am<b>beastiness</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 9:20am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 12:31am<b>smoothies14</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 12:29am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:15pm<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 7:42pm<b>Boxer3421</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 5:19pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 9:54am<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:53pm

Fucked!<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 9:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 6:31am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 3:15am<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:43am<b>people_really</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 5:00am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 4:23am<b>khoov19</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 7:42am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 4:21pm<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 11:22pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 8:14am<b>morondon000</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 6:13pm<b>anonymous1604</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 2:31am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:41pm<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 4:36am<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 6:23pm<b>EMOHATE</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 3:45am<b>bigjake</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 5:55am<b>907frostygirl</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 7:58pm

fooltemptress's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of fooltemptress's badges

fooltemptress's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

by Quendolin / 11/09/2015 at 9:07am / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

by busmonster / 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

by rimenrezon / 01/06/2015 at 9:10am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

by Dear Lord Save Me / 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm / United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

by thanks a lot mom / 12/28/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

by GOAWAY / 12/26/2014 at 6:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

by whovian / 12/25/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

by wowdadreally / 12/23/2014 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2014 at 11:27am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

by financially_wreckd / 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Money

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML

by embarrassed / 12/19/2014 at 2:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) / 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous