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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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fooltemptress

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fooltemptress
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 697
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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fooltemptress's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

#18716043 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (9672) - you deserved it (2480)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

#18673458 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (9804) - you deserved it (776)

On 01/01/2012 at 8:51am - misc - by Grandson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip. FML

#18402392 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (7032) - you deserved it (1519)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:38am - work - by ohno - United States (Florida)

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675 (346)

I agree, your life sucks (14799) - you deserved it (21935)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

#17526290 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (1252)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334 (160)

I agree, your life sucks (24333) - you deserved it (3186)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (3739)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912 (602)

I agree, your life sucks (26598) - you deserved it (35045)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

#15385688 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (29572) - you deserved it (5158)

On 03/19/2011 at 5:04pm - kids - by Abby_gummibear (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her tooth brush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

#15364230 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (23819) - you deserved it (2775)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML

#15352953 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (19690) - you deserved it (4892)

On 03/17/2011 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

#15345509 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (24369) - you deserved it (3513)

On 03/17/2011 at 12:04am - kids - by Username -

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (33476) - you deserved it (8223)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

#15328400 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (28737) - you deserved it (4224)

On 03/15/2011 at 10:05pm - kids - by anonymous -

Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

#14051291 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (4495) - you deserved it (20562)

On 12/01/2010 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)