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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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foltaggio

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foltaggio
  • Town/Country : Oklahoma City, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14493
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About foltaggio : http://twitter.com/foltaggio

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foltaggio's favorite FMLs

Today, I was completely wasted at my bachelor party, and my friends thought it would be funny to put sodium nitrate on my penis. Sodium nitrate makes your skin dark purple for a couple of weeks. My wedding is next week and my fiancee has never seen me naked. FML

#3418907 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (54654) - you deserved it (13824)

On 07/02/2009 at 2:32am - intimacy - by purpledick (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

#3380486 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (39153) - you deserved it (13861)

On 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

#3298219 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (49649) - you deserved it (1692)

On 06/28/2009 at 4:25am - work - by WitchQueenLiz (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

#2935606 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (40943) - you deserved it (2557)

On 06/16/2009 at 7:14am - misc - by BirthdayTeeth - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

#2471479 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (59895) - you deserved it (8400)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by fmeplease (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here FML." FML

#2459150 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (16350) - you deserved it (54642)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML

#2398327 (252)

I agree, your life sucks (45534) - you deserved it (5047)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:59am - money - by alynn (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

#2335998 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (44936) - you deserved it (4450)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:48am - love - by xpxp2002 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

#2330424 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (48931) - you deserved it (13669)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

#2228533 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (73543) - you deserved it (14551)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:14am - love - by noboyfriend (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

#1842179 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (50230) - you deserved it (1990)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (51536) - you deserved it (1673)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

#1583492 (268)

I agree, your life sucks (46383) - you deserved it (8301)

On 05/03/2009 at 2:17am - work - by caphis (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

#1131048 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (55464) - you deserved it (4971)

On 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm - animals - by yuckspider (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

#963370 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (13463) - you deserved it (49164)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by khood (man) - United States