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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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fmljw

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fmljw
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3280
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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fmljw's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

#8519094 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (3469) - you deserved it (29641)

On 02/21/2010 at 2:34pm - misc - by anna14 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (21313) - you deserved it (2470)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

#7454643 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (21866) - you deserved it (2812)

On 01/20/2010 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (8431) - you deserved it (19102)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

#6955134 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (4786) - you deserved it (57040)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to sign up to a dating website. After having a long conversation with one of my matches about how much I hate my job, I decided to meet up with him. It was my boss. FML

#6866233 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (6762)

On 12/21/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

#6850443 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (7327) - you deserved it (23779)

On 12/20/2009 at 5:41pm - misc - by mannnnn2717 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

#6803629 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (4142) - you deserved it (25878)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by nwalsh2009 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

#6793560 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (8883) - you deserved it (16246)

On 12/17/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by ohmy (woman) - Canada

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

#6441579 (42)

I agree, your life sucks (8200) - you deserved it (15922)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:36am - kids - by n/a - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

#6340029 (38)

I agree, your life sucks (5407) - you deserved it (16030)

On 11/17/2009 at 10:32am - misc - by Spiller (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (38501) - you deserved it (2780)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend who had just been awakened by her own fart. FML

#5550225 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (51894) - you deserved it (3372)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

#5325412 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (8920) - you deserved it (19984)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:14am - love - by mudafkrmas (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

#4865635 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (5181) - you deserved it (43345)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm - work - by staringisrude (woman) - United States (Virginia)