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fml1026's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
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fml1026's favorite FMLs
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by gassy / 01/07/2013 at 10:40am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Animals
by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML
by With_Love929 / 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML
by Dinger1992 / 10/23/2012 at 9:19am / United States / Money
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
by stoych / 10/08/2012 at 3:14am / United Kingdom / Love
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays.… Today, I’m a trainee who recently arrived in a prestigious company. My boss walked in on me sorting… Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to…