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fml0505

Offline (the 08/23/2014 at 5:01am) | Search for a member

fml0505

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 31 May 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1059
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About fml0505 : I'm a very interesting person. In fact, I'm so interesting that the short space FML provides for a bio is insulting. How dare you FML, how dare you. You should be honored that a person of my stature graces you with the presence I behold. I deserve, at the very least, a page dedicated to the words that gracefully fall from my mouth. I work at a factory, alright, and I'm the best damn box packager in the world. Clocked in at 8.4 seconds today, taped, labeled, and put on a pallet. No big deal. I drink malt liquor like it's champagne. I watched the entire Breaking Bad series in one sitting. Need I go further with my meritorious accomplishments? People bow down to this walking God like creature of success. I expect that you will accommodate me after seeing but a glimpse of my admirable, riveting biography. Good day.

P.S.

Direct all fan mail to the person on the left.

fml0505's page activity

Visits<b>ksadhera</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 1:21pm<b>manchesterUK</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 6:16am<b>ldemosthenous</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:18am<b>Silly_Lilly6969</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:27am<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 8:06am<b>rachhhh91</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 12:53am<b>xDochx</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 12:09pm<b>Tori1991</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 3:54pm<b>ChloeLentin</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 9:59am<b>ajgmom</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 7:41am<b>Ace132</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 6:35am<b>MrDante</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 4:27pm<b>Xotoolyxo</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 5:02pm<b>91hayek</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 11:15pm<b>msmama1985</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 11:08pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 5:25am<b>NOACCEPTANCE772</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 7:33am<b>crooklynkid</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 10:47pm

fml0505's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of fml0505's badges

fml0505's favorite FMLs

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
683 comments

I agree, your life sucks (693133) - you deserved it (55757)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
925 comments

I agree, your life sucks (346889) - you deserved it (38547)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (282512) - you deserved it (19068)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

#760486
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25458) - you deserved it (47016)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

#333311
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38535) - you deserved it (64498)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - kids - by superfkd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (473914) - you deserved it (45783)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1144123) - you deserved it (115291)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142968) - you deserved it (11814)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26855) - you deserved it (5093)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boss asked me "can I give you some constructive criticism?". I said yes. He tells me "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

#576
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24685) - you deserved it (3030)

On 12/22/2008 at 11:18pm - work - by crapules - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

#505
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44058) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/13/2008 at 12:48am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version



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