Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member
About fml0505 : What can I say really? I'm just your average guy, completely normal in every way. I enjoy hanging out with friends, listening to music, reading, admiring the beauty of mother nature, and lathering myself up in butter and pretending to be a slug.
Other than that, I spend most of my time making tin foil hats so the government can't hear my thoughts, and blogging about cats. Just like everyone else.
If you can guess which person I am in the picture, I'll send you a custom tin foil hat free of charge. Namaste.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML
Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
Friday 24 October 2014