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Offline (19 hours ago) | Search for a member
About fml0505 : What can I say really? I'm just your average guy, completely normal in every way. I enjoy hanging out with friends, listening to music, reading, admiring the beauty of mother nature, and lathering myself up in butter and pretending to be a slug.
Other than that, I spend most of my time making tin foil hats so the government can't hear my thoughts, and blogging about cats. Just like everyone else.
If you can guess which person I am in the picture, I'll send you a custom tin foil hat free of charge. Namaste.
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Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML
Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
Friday 19 December 2014