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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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fml05

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fml05
  • Town/Country : Newport Beach , USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1058
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About fml05 : (:

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fml05's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

#4624191 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (35691) - you deserved it (10805)

On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

#4623862 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (32872) - you deserved it (7005)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (40574) - you deserved it (11977)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034 (262)

I agree, your life sucks (27385) - you deserved it (57173)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

#4478498 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (42195) - you deserved it (5128)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

#4471647 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (39256) - you deserved it (1799)

On 08/12/2009 at 8:57am - misc - by dkajxu (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390 (248)

I agree, your life sucks (17880) - you deserved it (43928)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

#4307488 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (12411) - you deserved it (43880)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my mom was really mad at me and I was driving her to the grocery store. As she was coming out, I decided to be a good daughter and drive right up to the door so she doesn't have to walk to the car. I ran her over. FML

#4299527 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (34928) - you deserved it (16824)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

#4297641 (60)

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (8391)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

#4127495 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (11929) - you deserved it (33713)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

#4046377 (746)

I agree, your life sucks (81732) - you deserved it (24043)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101 (413)

I agree, your life sucks (32290) - you deserved it (16727)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

#3908348 (304)

I agree, your life sucks (27393) - you deserved it (18244)

On 07/20/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (36491) - you deserved it (4696)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)