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flyingflies's FML badges
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
flyingflies's favorite FMLs
by AnxiousCucumber / 09/07/2016 at 4:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by annoying / 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 05/29/2011 at 12:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 8:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
by UrbanCass / 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work
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