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floral100's favorite FMLs
Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML
by virginat16 / 12/14/2010 at 6:00am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Eloy Ymer / 08/22/2010 at 7:51pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Health
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML
by knews / 03/18/2010 at 12:46am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML
Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML
by anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 3:16pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/28/2009 at 12:51am / United States (Indiana) / Love
by mtorres8789 / 06/27/2009 at 2:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML
by creepedouthostess / 06/17/2009 at 3:12am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
by chris / 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm / United States (Connecticut) / Animals
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML
by tehhotness / 03/27/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
- Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and… Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so… Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway.…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…