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floral100's favorite FMLs
by smashed / 09/24/2012 at 10:33am / United States / Kids
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
by RawrSparkle / 09/21/2012 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
by maddiebauer / 07/26/2012 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/14/2012 at 11:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML
by vanessa560 / 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Jessica / 12/26/2011 at 11:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Holly Jolly / 12/26/2011 at 1:33am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed / 12/20/2011 at 6:49am / Mauritius / Miscellaneous
by milly / 12/20/2011 at 5:43am / Norway (More og Romsdal) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
by childdreamkiller / 12/08/2011 at 12:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
by beaverless / 05/02/2011 at 4:26pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML
by hugme101 / 12/19/2010 at 7:20pm / Canada / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…