flockz

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Offline (the 07/19/2015 at 9:56pm)

flockz

31Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 15292
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
-Iamnotmyself
-CryMoreFmls
-iAmScrubs
-Ikickgingers
-perdix
-Bastard
-TheIsland
-The_A_Teen
-Welshite

flockz's page activity

Visits<b>SodeNoShirayuki</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 1:56am<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 4:14pm<b>Livin_Like_Larry</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 9:01pm<b>BanjoCheeseGuy</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 2:13am<b>justcommenting19</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 12:37am<b>Bibzy</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 8:13am<b>DrowningLessons</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 7:21pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 4:54pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 9:46am<b>_awwhellnaw_</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 6:46am<b>Poyzin7323</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 8:53pm<b>be82tw</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 9:32pm<b>lui_pg</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 1:51am<b>smxiricky</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 2:15pm<b>milkyway101</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 11:14am<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 11:01am<b>DerSuldam</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 6:53pm<b>10220706</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 11:15am

Fucked!<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 2:00am<b>SashaTaras</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 4:38am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 10:07pm<b>BakedBanana</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 10:16pm<b>twitchywaffles</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 6:46am<b>tintarroja</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 3:40am<b>Cyntha</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 5:41am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 6:30am<b>arano</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 12:38am<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 5:48am<b>DEATHLORD</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 7:49pm<b>quazimozart</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 12:47am<b>nezumii</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 8:32pm<b>patts_</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 9:23pm<b>lagreeni</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 6:00am<b>pookleberry</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 9:22am<b>Ragatyme</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 12:41am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 10:21pm

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML

by Opplyst11 / 03/18/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

by DSM / 03/14/2009 at 7:05am / United States (North Dakota) / Love

Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML

by LJ / 03/12/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

by unsatisfied / 03/09/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

by imanidiot / 03/03/2009 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

by addictedtofml / 02/24/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

by Noname / 02/17/2009 at 9:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

by ADT / 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

by BillLumberg / 02/03/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

by Noname / 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

by epistaxis / 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2009 at 12:42am / Miscellaneous

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

by none / 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous