About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12788) - you deserved it (89035)
On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75874) - you deserved it (2531)
On 03/12/2009 at 10:20pm - animals - by LJ (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48012) - you deserved it (3234)
On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22334) - you deserved it (110309)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (61818) - you deserved it (15469)
On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29684) - you deserved it (2453)
On 02/17/2009 at 9:52pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41764) - you deserved it (2417)
On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)
Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5749) - you deserved it (13550)
On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6956) - you deserved it (40597)
On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22463) - you deserved it (2310)
On 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16096) - you deserved it (1014)
On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by - Sent from mobile version
Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7904) - you deserved it (25763)
On 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by none - United States (New Jersey)
Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (15698) - you deserved it (3952)
On 12/25/2008 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Nicos - Sent from mobile version
Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4934) - you deserved it (14901)
On 12/18/2008 at 3:30am - misc - by Wickls - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8080) - you deserved it (44679)
On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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