Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

flockz

Search for a member

flockz

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11176
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
-Iamnotmyself
-CryMoreFmls
-iAmScrubs
-Ikickgingers
-perdix
-Bastard
-TheIsland
-The_A_Teen
-Welshite

flockz's page activity

Visits<b>bananaman223</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 7:54pm<b>PandahHeart</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 5:53pm<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 4:16am<b>brianjman14</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 1:52pm<b>madmaddi147</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 10:48pm<b>MrKronos</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:28am<b>xSLEEPYxHEADx</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 2:39pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:30am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 6:09am<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 6:51pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:30pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 10:27am<b>Cortezthe1st</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 10:35pm<b>rebbyls4</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 12:46am<b>ArtemisGide</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 7:32pm<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 6:07am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 2:55am<b>LEGATE_LANIUS</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:50am

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56757) - you deserved it (3505)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

#2881257
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10967) - you deserved it (54761)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:08am - intimacy - by ohdeardarling (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139031) - you deserved it (9964)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45263) - you deserved it (122170)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

#2523037
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52384) - you deserved it (6024)

On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19327) - you deserved it (64415)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (261637) - you deserved it (17232)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (261637) - you deserved it (17232)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67204) - you deserved it (9063)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105577) - you deserved it (8220)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55105) - you deserved it (10853)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45830) - you deserved it (15195)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

#946038
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101347) - you deserved it (8750)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:07am - intimacy - by bodyelectric (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

#942565
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64420) - you deserved it (10526)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: