Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

flockz

Search for a member

flockz

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11596
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
-Iamnotmyself
-CryMoreFmls
-iAmScrubs
-Ikickgingers
-perdix
-Bastard
-TheIsland
-The_A_Teen
-Welshite

flockz's page activity

Visits<b>EriShiina</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 7:50pm<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 6:10pm<b>Han1156</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 2:27pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 6:08pm<b>josh2014</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 6:01pm<b>brittanynico</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 2:44pm<b>Krbsmommy</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 12:27am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 4:53pm<b>Sansa</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 5:25pm<b>Timmster007</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 11:38pm<b>reject_nation</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:33pm<b>garage</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 6:27pm<b>wannabefratguy94</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:06pm<b>scottyboy254</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 9:31pm<b>blobbertthethird</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:18pm<b>rudge500special</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:08pm<b>maj3st1cllama</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:23am<b>mullokely</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:09am

Liked!<b>wannabefratguy94</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 6:07pm<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:38am

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32022) - you deserved it (11191)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML

#5708797
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30431) - you deserved it (15122)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

#5703197
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6753) - you deserved it (46492)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by imok (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

#5419647
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (2189)

On 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

#4983449
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9155) - you deserved it (36674)

On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

#4636801
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56900) - you deserved it (11365)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

#4604892
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45945) - you deserved it (6462)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by JayBausch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

#4478498
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51728) - you deserved it (7028)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66917) - you deserved it (15318)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

#4053619
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21889) - you deserved it (53479)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

#3949208
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37281) - you deserved it (10255)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:16am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

#3890479
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43352) - you deserved it (18035)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm - love - by DanceOnTheEdge (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
433 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35451) - you deserved it (94215)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
433 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35451) - you deserved it (94215)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: