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flockz

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flockz
  • Town/Country : Texas, United States of America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 10371
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

#10414091
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35817) - you deserved it (2962)

On 05/08/2010 at 6:07am - intimacy - by notmydad. (woman) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

#9041294
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30362) - you deserved it (2164)

On 03/13/2010 at 5:35am - intimacy - by Grossed Out - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17725) - you deserved it (33667)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML

#8801488
218 comments

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

#8153486
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17958) - you deserved it (2553)

On 02/12/2010 at 12:11am - health - by NotSoSick (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three. They where all really fat and the lady was holding 2 boxes of pizza. I decided to roll down the window and scream "fatasses" as loud as I could while my cousin drove off. They were going to the same house we were. FML

#7732891
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5369) - you deserved it (76962)

On 01/31/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by lauris1306 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

#7450891
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23468) - you deserved it (5114)

On 01/20/2010 at 1:17am - intimacy - by ilovesocks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

#7080938
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9763) - you deserved it (14905)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by FavreFan99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

#7020893
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7225) - you deserved it (15584)

On 12/29/2009 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by queen (woman) - Brazil (Minas Gerais)

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

#6644782
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9208) - you deserved it (32897)

On 12/07/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by CH (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

#6570901
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35028) - you deserved it (4254)

On 12/02/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37184) - you deserved it (2818)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39738) - you deserved it (6553)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

#6300869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34671) - you deserved it (2294)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

#6002369
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16376) - you deserved it (3689)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by kl (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)



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