Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

flockz

Search for a member

flockz

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11310
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
-Iamnotmyself
-CryMoreFmls
-iAmScrubs
-Ikickgingers
-perdix
-Bastard
-TheIsland
-The_A_Teen
-Welshite

flockz's page activity

Visits<b>abbythemuffin</b> - yesterday at 8:49pm<b>kelseysking</b> - yesterday at 11:24am<b>shanekicksass</b> - yesterday at 3:44am<b>hailstorm187</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:02pm<b>savannahleiggh</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 7:21pm<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:30pm<b>hedgehogman123</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 12:39pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 1:34pm<b>kbxD</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 8:10am<b>Moderator0fFML</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 3:57pm<b>LiiaaBee</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 11:23am<b>tonyromoy</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 9:37pm<b>drpepper2019</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 3:23pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 8:56pm<b>misteygirl</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 6:58am<b>giolazar</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 1:11pm<b>delhh</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:21pm<b>bananaman223</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 7:54pm

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

#14610611
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14028) - you deserved it (36227) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40086) - you deserved it (26546) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

#14518129
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26053) - you deserved it (5183)

On 01/09/2011 at 5:18am - intimacy - by S - Singapore

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

#14365542
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26923) - you deserved it (7174)

On 12/28/2010 at 2:44am - intimacy - by sealy (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML

#13945313
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25009) - you deserved it (12621)

On 11/23/2010 at 1:50am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11757) - you deserved it (49778)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML

#13774014
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34584) - you deserved it (3470)

On 11/09/2010 at 2:51am - intimacy - by secretdoll (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

#13167367
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12143) - you deserved it (44605)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:01am - misc - by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

#12959324
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (29968)

On 09/08/2010 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dom - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45691) - you deserved it (14564)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

#12595665
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31664) - you deserved it (16349)

On 08/18/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Photagrapher - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

#12143188
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34647) - you deserved it (15218)

On 07/27/2010 at 10:43am - intimacy - by lonelyguy321 - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

#12139792
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31690) - you deserved it (4632)

On 07/27/2010 at 3:46am - misc - by Marie - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

#11281809
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10905) - you deserved it (51085)

On 06/18/2010 at 1:42am - health - by emilygreeny - United States



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: