Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

flockz

Search for a member

flockz

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11229
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
-Iamnotmyself
-CryMoreFmls
-iAmScrubs
-Ikickgingers
-perdix
-Bastard
-TheIsland
-The_A_Teen
-Welshite

flockz's page activity

Visits<b>misteygirl</b> - 12 hours ago<b>giolazar</b> - yesterday at 1:11pm<b>delhh</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:21pm<b>bananaman223</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 7:54pm<b>PandahHeart</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 5:53pm<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 4:16am<b>brianjman14</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 1:52pm<b>madmaddi147</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 10:48pm<b>MrKronos</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:28am<b>xSLEEPYxHEADx</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 2:39pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:30am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 6:09am<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 6:51pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:30pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 10:27am<b>Cortezthe1st</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 10:35pm<b>rebbyls4</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 12:46am<b>ArtemisGide</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 7:32pm

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

#16675458
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28166) - you deserved it (2788)

On 06/15/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by random - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

#16611980
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39617) - you deserved it (4996)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by Mom (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

#16608434
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39348) - you deserved it (2832)

On 06/11/2011 at 9:06am - health - by sickbaby (woman) - Singapore

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

#16461868
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30623) - you deserved it (16697)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

#16429286
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16737) - you deserved it (34264)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:51am - love - by romantic84 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39701) - you deserved it (4106)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32830) - you deserved it (20217)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

#16101317
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41345) - you deserved it (17431)

On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

#16051471
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35692) - you deserved it (4393)

On 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Charlie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

#15974140
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44248) - you deserved it (3331)

On 04/29/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

#15932623
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21056) - you deserved it (46571)

On 04/26/2011 at 9:56am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19246) - you deserved it (65797)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

#15574334
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19575) - you deserved it (21895)

On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

#15555726
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38360) - you deserved it (9428)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

#14849779
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50874) - you deserved it (3747)

On 02/05/2011 at 7:02am - misc - by bob - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: