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flockz

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11392
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
-Iamnotmyself
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-perdix
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flockz's page activity

Visits<b>lexrawrzums</b> - 5 hours ago<b>Goodliife</b> - yesterday at 6:12pm<b>zAstonish</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 6:25am<b>mohanshijie</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:36pm<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 10:38pm<b>tedthompson66</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 6:43pm<b>pinkpig23</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 8:17pm<b>abbythemuffin</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 8:49pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 11:24am<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 3:44am<b>hailstorm187</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:02pm<b>savannahleiggh</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 7:21pm<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:30pm<b>hedgehogman123</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 12:39pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 1:34pm<b>kbxD</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 8:10am<b>Moderator0fFML</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 3:57pm<b>LiiaaBee</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 11:23am

Liked!<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:38am

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

#18452728
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31423) - you deserved it (2154)

On 12/07/2011 at 1:43pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

#18430652
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41027) - you deserved it (16588)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

#18403998
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53481) - you deserved it (2972)

On 12/01/2011 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by sometingwong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

#18393059
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (3418)

On 11/30/2011 at 9:57am - love - by preggers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31184) - you deserved it (15531)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

#18279508
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32346) - you deserved it (2177)

On 11/18/2011 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26797) - you deserved it (7948)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

#18098530
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29921) - you deserved it (17612)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26466) - you deserved it (4902)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13606) - you deserved it (34768)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40513) - you deserved it (5224)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

#18037995
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49534) - you deserved it (3866)

On 10/21/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by prostitutes boyfriend - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

#18030878
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31790) - you deserved it (6027)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Meath)

Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her new born son after me. FML

#17794900
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35476) - you deserved it (3201)

On 09/21/2011 at 10:44am - love - by cjy152 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

#17644028
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (3761)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:31pm - love - by Harry Dare - United Kingdom (Walsall)



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