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flockz

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11529
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

Favorite FMLers:
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flockz's page activity

Visits<b>Krbsmommy</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - 19 hours ago<b>Sansa</b> - yesterday at 5:25pm<b>Timmster007</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 11:38pm<b>reject_nation</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:33pm<b>garage</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 6:27pm<b>wannabefratguy94</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:06pm<b>scottyboy254</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 9:31pm<b>blobbertthethird</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:18pm<b>rudge500special</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:08pm<b>maj3st1cllama</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:23am<b>mullokely</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:09am<b>Daschundman</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 12:00am<b>jsosk</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:16am<b>lilviking</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 8:36pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 7:57am<b>lexrawrzums</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 1:25pm<b>Goodliife</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 6:12pm

Liked!<b>wannabefratguy94</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 6:07pm<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:38am

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29340) - you deserved it (3866)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17169) - you deserved it (29489)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38121) - you deserved it (5625)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26274) - you deserved it (3510)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

#18831688
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17672) - you deserved it (9737)

On 01/17/2012 at 1:13am - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

#18813229
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29521) - you deserved it (23426)

On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

#18772275
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13569) - you deserved it (32021)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

#18761423
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19368) - you deserved it (2002)

On 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

#18738481
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26887) - you deserved it (14001)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm - misc - by Jman6295 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

#18691343
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (12819)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

#18586943
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31291) - you deserved it (3049)

On 12/23/2011 at 5:53am - love - by johncabbot25 (man) - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

#18568615
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18081) - you deserved it (27619)

On 12/21/2011 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Nicki (woman) - Canada

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21500) - you deserved it (5345)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8903) - you deserved it (44723)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

#18467948
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9599) - you deserved it (24299)

On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada



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  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

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