About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29822) - you deserved it (4067)
On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (3001)
On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13628) - you deserved it (8609)
Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23280) - you deserved it (17420)
On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10312) - you deserved it (22513)
On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)
Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15067) - you deserved it (1431)
On 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (10767)
On 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm - misc - by Jman6295 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19473) - you deserved it (9501)
On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25997) - you deserved it (2322)
On 12/23/2011 at 5:53am - love - by johncabbot25 (man) - Canada
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13881) - you deserved it (19210)
On 12/21/2011 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Nicki (woman) - Canada
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16580) - you deserved it (4155)
On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6895) - you deserved it (32796)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7959) - you deserved it (20233)
On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada
Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25548) - you deserved it (1528)
On 12/07/2011 at 1:43pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34206) - you deserved it (12019)
On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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