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Offline (the 07/19/2015 at 9:56pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 16902
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

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flockz's page activity

Visits<b>trex19</b> - yesterday at 12:36am<b>kusje</b> - the 10/13/2016 at 3:35am<b>saifnaqvi11</b> - the 10/03/2016 at 6:45pm<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 09/20/2016 at 11:14pm<b>Shadow197</b> - the 09/12/2016 at 1:59pm<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 5:34pm<b>Ajax_Teh_Great</b> - the 08/31/2016 at 2:36am<b>Laeffy</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 10:18pm<b>gorgonkiller15</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 11:12am<b>vinnie_boombotz</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 7:51pm<b>Red_Ralph</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 4:55am<b>BoboCracker</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 6:50pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 3:29pm<b>blackfox123</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 12:17am<b>JamesMago</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 2:08pm<b>KyoshiroT</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 2:21pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 12:06pm<b>imshadyxo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 3:23am

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 6:06pm<b>sackofsad</b> - the 07/07/2016 at 10:23am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 2:00am<b>SashaTaras</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 4:38am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 10:07pm<b>BakedBanana</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 10:16pm<b>twitchywaffles</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 6:46am<b>tintarroja</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 3:40am<b>Cyntha</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 5:41am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 6:30am<b>arano</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 12:38am<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 5:48am<b>DEATHLORD</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 7:49pm<b>quazimozart</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 12:47am<b>nezumii</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 8:32pm<b>patts_</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 9:23pm<b>lagreeni</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 6:00am<b>pookleberry</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 9:22am

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 5:44pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

by pianoplayer / 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

by Andrew / 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

by hackshack / 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

by nobrows / 04/06/2012 at 1:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy