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flockz

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11525
  • Number of comments : 2058
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

About flockz : i'm a dick. are you offended by me? aw sorry ouch FYL for sure. dump me then sue me. you deserve better. shit happens.
sirinz.org (best FML comments)

not giving a fuck is an art.

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flockz's page activity

Visits<b>Krbsmommy</b> - 3 hours ago<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Sansa</b> - yesterday at 5:25pm<b>Timmster007</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 11:38pm<b>reject_nation</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:33pm<b>garage</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 6:27pm<b>wannabefratguy94</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:06pm<b>scottyboy254</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 9:31pm<b>blobbertthethird</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:18pm<b>rudge500special</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:08pm<b>maj3st1cllama</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:23am<b>mullokely</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:09am<b>Daschundman</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 12:00am<b>jsosk</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:16am<b>lilviking</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 8:36pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 7:57am<b>lexrawrzums</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 1:25pm<b>Goodliife</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 6:12pm

Liked!<b>wannabefratguy94</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 6:07pm<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:38am

flockz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of flockz's badges

flockz's favorite FMLs

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54801) - you deserved it (4578)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

#20794428
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38941) - you deserved it (10639)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

#20678725
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42346) - you deserved it (2475)

On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67220) - you deserved it (9916)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59279) - you deserved it (7739)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

#20186585
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25754) - you deserved it (2580)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

#20129928
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31382) - you deserved it (10184)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25389) - you deserved it (6581)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30943) - you deserved it (18136)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

#19755806
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20675) - you deserved it (3436)

On 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm - misc - by hackshack (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41963) - you deserved it (3831)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

#19443097
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36164) - you deserved it (2789)

On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

#19417641
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (5719)

On 04/06/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by nobrows (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47178) - you deserved it (4594)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)



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