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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We r expecting our little boy in two months. FML
Today... after finalizing my divorce... I decidd to go out with a guy I had been ogling 4 months... after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar... I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment... his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
TODAY, I WAS DRIVING WITH MY MOM. SHE HAD SOME SODA WITH HER FROM EARLIER, AN EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PROBABLY WARM, I WAS THIRSTY. I ASK 4 A SIP, SHE HANDS IT TO ME AN SAYS SURE. AND I GET A MOUTHFUL OF ASH-AND-CIGARETTE-BUTT-FILLD SODA. APPARENTLY SHE DIDN'T FEEL THE NED TO MENTION THIS TO ME. FML
today my grlfriend broke up with me cuz I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out cuz I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML
Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checkd inside like I'm supposd to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughd nervously then hit me in the head looool with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML
TODAY, AFTER FEELING FAT AND UGLY AND A BIT DEPRESSD, I LOGGD ON TO FACEBOOK TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND HAD POSTD "I HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GRLFRIEND IN THE WORLD!" I 'LIKD' IT AND COMMENTD "AWW THANK U BABY!" I LOGGD IN LATER TO SEE THAT HE COMMENTD BACK SAYING "I DIDN'T MEAN YOU." FML
Today, mah little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was mah dad's droopy ball sac. FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband an I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter an cummed out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
Friday 27 March 2015