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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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fireobsessed

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fireobsessed
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 293
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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fireobsessed's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511 (447)

I agree, your life sucks (8255) - you deserved it (15155)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML

#8581671 (265)

I agree, your life sucks (3172) - you deserved it (43960)

On 02/23/2010 at 4:28am - misc - by nutcracker (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, my boss made me some Tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my number 1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them. FML

#8576368 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (19244) - you deserved it (3640)

On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by meaganlea (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

#8565371 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (17157) - you deserved it (4894)

On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

#8563536 (156)

I agree, your life sucks (16395) - you deserved it (2577)

On 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm - love - by notworthit (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

#8003264 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (5806) - you deserved it (48171)

On 02/08/2010 at 3:00am - love - by loveeyou. - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

#7493189 (247)

I agree, your life sucks (23519) - you deserved it (2744)

On 01/22/2010 at 2:26am - love - by Rodrigeuz26 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

#7315075 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (21898) - you deserved it (1936)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

#7179468 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (35770) - you deserved it (1410)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by driver (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

#6917997 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (19046) - you deserved it (1255)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:20am - work - by Barstaff (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

#6721090 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (24276) - you deserved it (2482)

On 12/12/2009 at 10:41am - animals - by Kelsie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

#6546127 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (21845) - you deserved it (2866)

On 12/01/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by ilovemom (woman) - Costa Rica (Heredia)

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

#6401581 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (13633) - you deserved it (2636)

On 11/22/2009 at 4:15am - intimacy - by lonewolf2701 - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

#6118841 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (16157) - you deserved it (1484)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by whatthef - United States

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

#5925433 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (28967) - you deserved it (4589)

On 10/21/2009 at 4:27am - misc - by sore (man) - Australia (South Australia)