Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

firenighthawk

Search for a member

firenighthawk

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1886
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

firenighthawk's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:02pm<b>ohrlynow</b> - the 03/13/2010 at 9:17pm<b>maibiz</b> - the 01/14/2010 at 10:09pm<b>Subal</b> - the 12/14/2009 at 4:13pm<b>ajninamai</b> - the 11/06/2009 at 2:25am<b>crumsnatcha</b> - the 10/24/2009 at 1:48pm<b>julianows</b> - the 10/01/2009 at 11:16am<b>palmtrees</b> - the 09/30/2009 at 9:25pm<b>loserrrrr</b> - the 09/29/2009 at 9:58pm<b>somenyanon</b> - the 09/16/2009 at 10:16am<b>OnTheRun</b> - the 09/16/2009 at 2:59am<b>Failtron123</b> - the 09/15/2009 at 6:48pm<b>stormtheprom</b> - the 09/10/2009 at 5:56pm<b>Callmeginger</b> - the 09/09/2009 at 7:04pm<b>cali_love</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 9:09pm<b>heygirlheyyyyy</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 12:20pm<b>pickwick716</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 11:32am<b>YankfanZZTop22</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 8:06am

firenighthawk's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

firenighthawk's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

#5550225
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64435) - you deserved it (4718)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

#5325524
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6946) - you deserved it (58585)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

#5310529
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52235) - you deserved it (2234)

On 09/17/2009 at 10:31am - health - by NoPainNoGain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22381) - you deserved it (77964)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

#5274091
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46441) - you deserved it (2167)

On 09/15/2009 at 3:24pm - money - by Lost (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

#5225879
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28454) - you deserved it (8922)

On 09/13/2009 at 10:00am - misc - by superjstorm (man) - Philippines (Nueva Ecija)

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

#5222087
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (12662)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:17am - health - by beaten (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

#4440172
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47507) - you deserved it (7148)

On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

#4223881
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49322) - you deserved it (9393)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52129) - you deserved it (14223)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

#3880304
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71879) - you deserved it (3550)

On 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by kareed3 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

#3877886
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66334) - you deserved it (4408)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

#3874570
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10225) - you deserved it (56671)

On 07/19/2009 at 2:45am - love - by DramaQueen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

#3863732
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47448) - you deserved it (12538)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: