Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

fire_flies

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

fire_flies

3Fucked!

fire_fliesfire_flies
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 340
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About fire_flies : 🙈

fire_flies's page activity

Visits<b>Mons</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 9:32am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:06pm<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 12:34pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:52am<b>IamHercules</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 8:51am<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 5:48pm<b>jordi55</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 7:30am<b>ARetardedSeal</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 8:24pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>orios105</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 8:27pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 9:56pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 7:45pm<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 2:47pm<b>WolfAvenge</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 3:31pm<b>Keladrylady</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:15pm<b>taccoburrito596</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 1:23pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 4:02am<b>Superdouchebag</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 3:33am

Fucked!<b>IamHercules</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 8:00pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 7:43am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 1:30pm

fire_flies's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of fire_flies's badges

fire_flies's favorite FMLs

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

#21490307
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22348) - you deserved it (2421)

On 11/09/2015 at 9:07am - misc - by Quendolin - Germany

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

#21469850
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23511) - you deserved it (1676)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by allergies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29607) - you deserved it (17743)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33066) - you deserved it (4629)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

#21325643
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33387) - you deserved it (3243)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

#21277425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35672) - you deserved it (4941)

On 10/14/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by longdrive - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46781) - you deserved it (7312)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66568) - you deserved it (27158)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51369) - you deserved it (9802)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45171) - you deserved it (9573)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

#19455929
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16885) - you deserved it (38068)

On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

#18153680
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18983) - you deserved it (52913)

On 11/04/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by me (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32705) - you deserved it (7509)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

#5286193
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31378) - you deserved it (5400)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: