fire_flies

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Offline (the 05/07/2016 at 10:29am)

fire_flies

5Fucked!

fire_fliesfire_flies
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 458
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About fire_flies : 🙈

fire_flies's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 7:34am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 4:37pm<b>Mons</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 9:32am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:06pm<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 12:34pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:52am<b>IamHercules</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 8:51am<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 5:48pm<b>jordi55</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 7:30am<b>ARetardedSeal</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 8:24pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>orios105</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 8:27pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 9:56pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 7:45pm<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 2:47pm<b>WolfAvenge</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 3:31pm<b>Keladrylady</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:15pm<b>taccoburrito596</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 1:23pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 1:34pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 10:37pm<b>IamHercules</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 8:00pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 7:43am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 1:30pm

fire_flies's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of fire_flies's badges

fire_flies's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML

by DoomsDay / 05/06/2016 at 10:23am / Love

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

by Quendolin / 11/09/2015 at 9:07am / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

by allergies / 09/18/2015 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 3:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

by Annomymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

by thanks a lot mom / 12/28/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

by picklebug / 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

by me / 11/04/2011 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy